this war is mine

emilioestevez:

story time

so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.

snorlaxatives:

99% sure my neighbors have seen me naked through my window at least 20 times

drunkwarrior:

boys are just so cute and nice I wanna hold their hands then stab them in their dumb fucking piece of shit faces

lets-cheers-to-this:

I am definitely the jealous type.. I dont share people, if they’re mine..They’re MINE! Sorry

witchyhellbroth:

pinenolanapple:

it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”

#don’t ever fake an orgasm let them know they disappointed you

do you ever feel really ashamed when you listen to your favorite album or band less and less and you feel like you need to apologize to the band and reassure them you still love them and the album just as much

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

is this cocaine gluten free

selfdoubtandsyphilis:

dankestrnemes:

do animals think in english or in the sounds they make

this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for

rehabbed:

if you take me on a date to an amusement park you have a 103% chance of getting laid

theselener:

theselener:

theselener:

what’s the richest kind of air

billionaire

i lost 2 followers from this in like 6 seconds

vagisodium:

vagisodium:

i bet my tongue is stronger than yours wanna find out

this post has 99,000 notes can you guess how many people have made out with me since i made it the answer is 0

meladoodle:

*puts sunglasses on grandma’s corpse at open casket* she would’ve wanted it this way..